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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Brown Paper Packages Tied Up With String Are Overrated

posted by Front Desk Wonder @ 5:15 PM

Maybe it's just my preference for brightly colored sparkly flowers with matching ribbon or the Unabomber images the description elicits. At any rate, I don't like them and come to think of it, I don't care a whole lot for warm woolen mittens (they itch) or schnitzel and noddles (I'm a veg). So, I've made up my own list of favorites (people are excluded, as I have far too many):

Honey Oatmeal Shampoo and Conditioner
Cleansing, moisturizing and with the perfect amount of fragrance, this stuff really makes my showers something to anticipate. Without the annoying overpowering aroma of so many bath products, the subtle scent is pleasant yet strong enough to last long after my legs have given out to Kurt's calls for a higher rpm.

Peanut Butter Crunch and Mocha Biogenesis Bars
Hey, we don't call 'em crack for nothin'.

Monkey Rings
I'm sure they have a proper, technical name but since I prefer to swing from them like a crazed Spider, this title seems most appropriate.

Rhapsody
Some may prefer the old favorite playlists stored in Windows Media Player or the complete randomness that comes with Pandora, but I'm a loyal Rhapsody fan. All I have to do is type in "Christmas Music" and a whole plethora of holiday hits come up. Elvis, New Kids, Frank, Bowie...I can't wait until December 25th! I may even have to give it a practice run before then, you know, for quality control. Right now seems like a pretty good opportunity...

The Chandelier
It's pretty and in my view almost the entire time I'm working. It sparks memories of The Phantom of the Opera, a reference that in turn makes me feel cultured and refined. Until I remember that my idea of highbrow living is adding spinach to my foot-long Subway Veggie Delite.

Striped Classroom Floor
Not only is it aesthetically pleasing, but the alternating bands of color are great for separating bursts of high knees and heel kicks while traversing the floor's surface. The straight lines are also great for helping me know where to place my knees in Hardcore when we do those spin-your-toe-to-the-side-and-lunge-but-don't-let-your-knee-go-over-your-toe things. Man, I love those.

Germ-Free Zones
I may keep my Brooks tightly laced (subjecting others to the wonderful aroma they enclose might just cost me my job), but I appreciate that others do not. I've heard that the benefits of exercising barefoot are plentiful and since we run around in a place of cutting-edge, intelligent training, it makes sense. And thus, so does our upholding of stellar cleaning services.

Vegetarian Wrap
Intimidating in its burrito-esque grandness, this wrap is packed with fresh veggies, beans and some special lovin' (you will not find the last item on the ingredients list, but I assure you it's there.) A great post-workout treat, the wrap is refreshing and satisfying without making me feel like I'm going to explode twenty minutes after inhaling its every last bite.

Lack of Windows
It may seem like a real disadvantage to some, but let's be honest, with windows it's a lose-lose situation. Staring out at clear sunny skies would be a total tease and avoiding glimpses of dreary downpour would be downright depressing. So, I'd much rather be confined to my own little ZUM box, where the environment is always pleasant with a 98% chance of perfection.

This is just the beginning. My list of happy heart-makers could go on and on, and I'm sure it will as my time here continues and discoveries of new amenities unfold. How fortunate am I? What luck to have a running tally of favorites to recall and be grateful for should a moment of discontent strike, say, when the dog barks, or the bee stings, or I'm feeling sad.

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